A chain of events
by Gothbear100
Summary: I tried to find comfort in her, she pushed me aside and called my annoying. I lost my smile. A chain of events occurred, one after another I lost my 'friends' and things that were apart of my life. That's my pain and suffering, I thought that one person's sadness was everyone's sadness? Did everyone in the guild deceive me, just so they can watch me fall?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello, I decided to write a sad story today. I came up with this idea on the bus and remembered it till the next day, so I wrote it down and decided to make it about Lucy. I guess I ma a sadist, because I will make her life miserable, sorry. I think this will be my first fanfiction for this site, I have others, but they're not very good. I am sorry for the short first chapter, the next others will be much longer. I do not own anything, Hiro Mashima does. **

I tried to fit in and make a joke, they took it seriously. I lost my humor. I told him how much I loved him, why, and for how long, he gave me a blunt rejection. I lost the reason to love. I tried to find comfort in her, she pushed me aside and called my annoying. I lost my smile. A chain of events occurred, one after another I lost my 'friends' and things that were apart of my life. The warmth in my eyes, the cheerfulness in my voice, and then my reason to live. I forgot how happiness felt like, to be comforted by the warmth of another. I felt so much sadness that it neutralized my other feeling. This is my story, of my sad, pathetic life, and of my sadness and tears that was supposed to be shared by everyone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello, I this is the second chapter of Lucy's sad life. I am sorry, I really am a sadist, but I will not tell you how this ends. This chapter is about how Lucy lost her humor, I had a hard time writing this, because I don't have a sense of humor, so coming up with a joke is hard for me. I do not own anything, Hiro Mashima does. **

Lucy's point of view (POV)

June 31, X785

I stared admirably at the group I sat with. I am apart of the group, but I haven't known them for a long time. And I know I am just a replacement for Lisana. So why bother fitting in with them, as long as Lisana is gone they will continue to treat me like her, not like Lucy. But if she does come back then they will ignore me and boot me off the team. All I can do is fake a smile, laugh, and nod my head. I stuck with that idea for a long time, until I got the idea to be known as Lucy, to fit in as me. But people didn't like that idea, they liked Lisana; so when I decided to make a joke and fit in, as Lucy, that's when a chain of events started.

"Hello, everyone!" I said, as I entered the guild. I watched as most of the guild looked up and said good morning. I was in an especially good mood today, I woke up in a Natsu free bed, I took a shower without having to kick anybody out, and all morning nobody barged into my house trough my door or window.

I skipped over to the bar counter, smiling and humming a sweet tune. "Good morning Mira!" I greeted.

"Good morning Lucy! You are in such a happy mood today, did something happen?" I could hear the excitement in her voice as she asked that, she was probably coming up with a million different accusations.

"Uh, no," I said, hoping that she wasn't thinking of anything weird, "It's nothing special, it's almost like any normal day."

I saw Mira smile and I got terrified, what was she planning? "Well, bye." I turned to walk away and then I heard Mira whisper about planning and Natsu, then my walk turned into a run.

Until I was sure I was a safe distance away from Mira, I started to look for my 'friends', or should I say _Lisana's_ friends? Despite how sad the thought I was, I smiled when I think about things like that.

Was I really so desperate for love, for attention that I would let people use me? I brand people who are like that, like me as scum. Maybe even worse. I let the sadistic smile fade off my ace and let my fake happy one settle in, and not a moment to soon.

"Hey, Lucy," I heard a familiar voice yell. I turned my head to the source of that voice and smiled, 'Good morning Gray!"

I sat at the table he was at, and not a second later I stated, "Gray, your clothes." I listened for the ah, followed by footsteps. As Gray went to find his clothes I waited patiently at the table. His stripping habit was really weird. I wonder if anybody has ever told him that, or made a joke about it. They probably have.

Maybe I can use this as an opportunity, for Lucy! Operation Lucy vs Lisana! Now I have to think of a joke. "Hey, Gray, do you like your stripping habit, if you do then it would be really convenient you met Ur." No, that isn't a nice or funny joke, is it even a joke. I sighed with frustration, coming up with a joke is hard.

"Is something wrong Lucy?" I froze when I heard that. I lifted my head up to look at who said that, and guess who it was, Gray! Talk about perfect timing.

"Oh, gray, you found your clothes."

"Yeah, it was in front of the guild, man was I lucky some kid didn't pick it up, then I would have taken longer." he stifled a laugh at then end of that sentence, I smiled, I could just imagine Gray chasing some kid, yelling, "Oi, kid, give me back my clothes."

"Yeah, aren't you lucky." I sighed again.

"So is something wrong, you keep sighing?"

"Hey Gray," I asked unconsciously. "Do you like your stripping habit?"

I after a few minutes of thinking and comfortable silence he replied with a sad, "Yeah." He was probably thinking of the day that Ur died, when she sacrificed herself, or when he was training with her.

"Then you must be happy you met Ur, or is it because it was Ur's that you like it." I could hear faint sniffles by the time I mentioned her name. I mentally yelled at myself to stop, I was hurting him, but I couldn't, something in my gut told me to continue. "You're really lucky, you have something you like, or love. Something you hold so close to your heart, that you refuse to let go. I have nothing that is even the least bit like that. You see, if you look into my heart all there would be is an empty void. I have long ago lost my heart, and I didn't think I would be able to get it back." I stopped for a bit, to see if Gray was keeping up. I didn't hear stop, but only a tear fall, I was pushing his limits. I knew from the beginning I should stop, but I can't. And even if I did stop I wouldn't be able to stop the anger that is coming soon.

"You have memories to remember her by, training with Ur, stripping with Ur, arguing with Ur, shopping with Ur, sleeping with Ur. And that is your hearts purpose, to remember those things and keep them safe, with your mind to protect them, and your mind to adapt to them-" Before I could continue I heard not even a whisper, but more of a thought, "Shut up," now it was my turn to listen, "Shut up! If you don't have a heart how would you know this, you don't know what I'm thinking, you couldn't possibly understand! You're talking like you know what it feels like to watch someone die for you, to die because of you! You don't know what it feels like." Still speaking in softer than a whisper he continued, "How the hell am I lucky?" I could tell he was thinking about the day he tried to kill Delioria.

And with that speech stuck in my mind he left. _I suck even trying to make jokes, I know he'll act as if nothing happened tomorrow, but he will hold it against me. _

Feeling guilt rise in the void replacing my heart, I headed to the guild doors. With a silent goodbye to my nakama I headed home, but only when I was behind the doors, did I let a tear fall.

July 1, X785

It only takes a a few minutes to change something for the worse, but years to change something for better.

Guilt has risen in the void and tears in my eyes that have cried too much over small things, and too little for what matters.

Even sad and painful things can make a heart learn to love and forgive, and even things as love can make a heart hate and forget.

With every happy memory you make a sad one is also gained, and with every sad memory you make a happy one is forgotten. It's unfair and cruel, but that is the way of life.

Even the most happiest person alive is burdened with more sad memories than cheerful ones.

As I become desperate for love and forgiveness, my heart only learns how to hate and forget.

That's the way of life.

And as my heart starts to develop at the end of each day a tear will fall, bearing a feeling summarizing my day. For now a tear of guilt has been shed.

_Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do._

**So how did you like it? I kinda changed it from joke to remembering. And way the diary entries hard to understand? Allow me to explain, The diary entry at the beginning is what this chapter is about (a joke, to fit in as Lucy) and the diary entry at the end is what Lucy learned at the guild that day or felt at the guild. I am sorry for the long wait, and the short chapter (all the chapters I write are short). Oh and I won't update either stories for a while, my family and I are going on a trip for some time, because it's summer vacation, yay! I will try to upload another chapter to both stories before then. Oh and I would like to thank Arcikii for adding this story to his or her favorites list, Arcikii, again, for putting this story on story alert, and beatress, for reviewing. And really, thank you, both of you, without beatress telling me to update fast, this wouldn't be up now, and without Arcikii putting this on story alert and on his or her favorite list I would be even less motivated to write. I would also like to thank my viewers, for taking the time to read this. And I'm sorry, beatress, if I was too hard on her in this chapter, if I need to tone it down just tell me. Sorry it was rushed, I did thins in a day.**


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